top of page
Nikki Opara

Stop Being Mean To Yourself! : Five Ways To Overcome Negative Self Talk


I initially wrote this piece back in 2018, I was 23 years old and was writing this piece for myself more than anything else. Now I decided to revisit the topic, because It has been a little over 4 years, and I have learned and researched a lot when it comes to mindset, and our critical voice.





Each one of us gets a negative thought that flows into our minds. But I will say this, the difference between you and the person next to you is that they have mastered the approach of combating Negative Self Talk when it comes. These are five things you can implement into your daily practice to help overcome negative self- talk.


1. Recognize Your Critical Inner Voice

The sooner you realize that you are your own biggest critic, the faster you will be at recognizing the negativity you are telling yourself. It was a big eye opener for me when I had to come to the realization that although I have had my share of bullies from school, I am my own biggest bully. There is a fine line and difference between taking responsibility for your actions and blaming yourself to the point of being self-defeating. Being able to recognize those differences and defining which one is healthy/ productive and which one is not is the first step to overcoming negative self-talk


2. Reality Test Your Thoughts

Fact check your thoughts. Put your thoughts to the test and determine whether they are grounded in reality. Sit with it for a minute and ask yourself if the negativity you are saying over to yourself is factual or just your interpretation based on a current circumstance.

In an article called, “Challenging Negative Self Talk” by Ben Martin (PSY.D), he elaborates on the idea of Reality Testing by sharing important questions to ask yourself


1. “What is my evidence for and against my thinking?”

2. “Are my thoughts factual, or are they just my interpretation?”

3. “Am I jumping to negative conclusions?”

4. “How can I find out if my thoughts are actually true?”


3. Put Your Thoughts into Perspective


A majority of the time, being anxious, and overcome with negative self-talk, comes from the over-exaggerated stories we tell ourselves.. One of the most difficult things for us to do in an on-going rushed culture is to take a step back and put things into perspective. Ben Martin shares a few questions that is important to reflect on when putting your thoughts into perspective: Take a minute to ask yourself,

1. “Is this situation as bad as I am making it out to be?”

2. : What is the worse thing that could happen? How likely is it?”

3. “What is the best things that could happen?”

4. “Will this matter in five years?”


Negative self-talk can become extreme especially if you are depressed, anxious or stressed out. That negative voice can easily lead us to expecting the worse out of a situation or even our life in general, which is no way to live.


4. Focus on the Present


"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift”.


This quote sounds cliché, but it is so true. Understanding how much of a gift it is to be alive in this present moment is a game changer. Focusing on the present moment overall reminds you of the good stuff around you and within you. Psychology Today, talks about the term Rumination. This involves repetitively focusing on negative things and their possible causes and consequences. This results in feeling stuck in our heads and entertaining the negative thoughts that come. Living in the Present moment, recognizing how far you have come in life and appreciating the good things around you helps to eliminate that toxic cycle of negative thinking.


5. Replace With Positive Affirmation


Replace those negative comments with positive affirmations.


“ I’m actually going to be okay” ,

“ I am capable and smart enough to pass the next exam, I just need to study harder”.


Many overlook how efficient positive affirmations are because of how it is continuously shared around social media. Nonetheless, positive affirmations is an effective tool when wanting to overcome negative self-talk. According to PubMed Central, self-affirmations are efficient when it comes to improving our self-image and thoughts "it can broaden a person’s overall perspective and reduce negative emotions" . There is so much power in positive affirmations because you are relying on the reflection of personal core values and rewarding experiences in which are valuable assets that no one can take away from you. When you are repeating positive affirmations to yourself, your brain will eventually start to believe and hold on to what you are continuously feeding it. You will start to feel more in control of your thoughts and what you allow your mind and body to entertain.





References:


Cascio CN, O'Donnell MB, Tinney FJ, Lieberman MD, Taylor SE, Strecher VJ, Falk EB. Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci. 2016 Apr;11(4):621-9. doi: 10.1093/scan/nsv136. Epub 2015 Nov 5. PMID: 26541373; PMCID: PMC4814782.











If you found this post helpful, would love for you to subscribe so you never miss a post!




32 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page